You Are Not Alone

I will have an update on the triplets tomorrow, but for now I want to share on the subject of infertility since as of today it's National Infertility Awareness Week. To do my part to help raise awareness on the struggle disease, I would like to share our story.

Back in 2009, Levi and I were young, energetic and excited to get married and start a family. I knew I wanted about two kids and Levi had told me he wanted "a lot of kids", whatever that meant at the time. (I don't think he meant a total of five! :)  )

Silly me was assuming I would be pregnant right after our honeymoon.

Months and months went by and I became discouraged and depressed at the thought of not having children with the man of my dreams. I knew I wasn't going to give up, though. We would figure this out.

Friends, family and acquaintances would ask us when we would children of our own. There's no easy way to answer that while struggling with infertility. After about a year of being questioned, I finally starting responding that we were trying and it's personal. That, unfortunately, brought on unwanted advice and comments.

(Please don't ever tell someone who shares this struggle,  "Relax and it will happen." Relaxing doesn't cure infertility much like it doesn't cure cancer. For other infertility etiquette, please go here. )

Finally, my husband and I decided to take action. My first step was to tell my OBGYN about our problem. This doctor recommended that I do a painful test to see if my fallopian tubes were clear and open, which allows an egg to travel and become fertilized each month. 

I had no idea what to expect going into this except the basics: the doctor would push a dye through my fallopian tubes. If it went through clearly, blocked fallopian tubes was not my problem. I agreed to have the procedure, unbeknownst to me how painful it would be. 

The doctor informed me that my fallopian tubes were indeed blocked and the only way to conceive would be IVF (In Vitro Fertilization. ) Needless to say, we were devastated. We knew we had medical options, but nothing affordable. Step 2 was to visit a reproductive specialist. 

We explained to this doctor what my OBGYN found out. I can't remember why exactly, but she wanted to do the fallopian test again herself, just to be sure. Of course on the inside I was screaming "No way am I going through that again!" I'm glad I did, though. Turns out, I did not have blocked fallopian tubes. Plus, the test wasn't nearly as painful as the first time around. 

To sum up our next decisions into less of a novel, here is what it looked like step by step:

step 3: try the fertility drug Clomid and see if that helps me get pregnant on our own for a few months. Fail.

step 4: try an IUI.  Fail.

step 5: try another IUI. Fail.

step 6: discuss failure with doctor. We decided this doctor talked way too fast and was too confusing for us because she didn't seem like she wanted to slow down and make sure we understood everything.

step 7: switch to new doctor and have a consult. This doctor thought that I probably had endometriosis, which can cause infertility. The only way to know for sure was to do a surgery called a laparoscopy. 

step 8: do the laparoscopy. The doc found moderate endometriosis (on a scale of mild-moderate-severe.) Having endometriosis sucks, but I was glad we had an answer!

step 9: try one more IUI after the scars of endometriosis have been cleared. Fail.

Keep calm and... ok freak out because we really do need to do IVF to have children.

step 10: save the money for IVF (this just would not have been possible without Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University, which taught us how to effectively handle our money.)

step 11: shots, shots and more shots. Lots of appointments to check and see if my follicles are ready for retrieval. They were slow growin', but we finally made it to retrieval day. This is where they put me under, stick a needle through my uterus and retrieve as many eggs as possible. We only had one egg fertilize (not a good sign) and 3 days later, we did the transfer. We beat the odds of our numbers and- Praise God- became pregnant with Aria.

We really thought Aria would be our only child together, but when we found out that our insurance through Levi's new job would cover IVF, it was a no brainer. Aria needed a sibling close to her age.

Looking back, IVF with Aria was easy compared to what we went through last year to get pregnant. Our first round was cancelled because I wasn't producing the follicles I needed to go through follow through. We tried again and got pregnant, but unfortunately I miscarried. 

This is a heartbreaking experience and my heart goes out to anyone else who has experienced this. 

http://tinyurl.com/lawyz8k

After taking the time to heal physically (do you ever emotionally recover from a miscarriage?), we decided to give it one more try. Our final attempt at IVF- whether it worked or not: we had 2 amazing embryos and transferred both. 

 Many of you know the story- one decided to split and make two! What a shock it was to hear, "You have three babies in there."

So here we are today, pregnant with triplets.

All in all, if you know someone who is struggling with infertility, don't try to offer advice. Just be there for them at let them know that you care about them. Send her a card. Tell him you're praying for him (and really do it!) Let her cry on your shoulder. Remember them on Mother's Day. (Thank you, Kim for always being so great about this!)

If you personally are struggling with infertility, remember you are not alone. One in eight couples share our struggle. I understand not everyone is as open about it as I am, but please, please, please don't ever feel ashamed. Infertility is a disease. I choose to blog about it because I hope to (1) raise awareness and (2) help others who are experiencing it. I want to break the thinking that we who use fertility treatments and cannot get pregnant without medicine and doctors would never want to talk about it and hide it deep down inside. 

For example, there was a story floating around online not too long ago that made national news about 6 sets of twins being born at St. Luke's East hospital, all in one week. I made the mistake of reading the many ignorant Facebook comments. Some were asking, "Did these couples use infertility treatments?" A woman replied, "The hospital won't say because nobody would ever admit to using fertility treatments." 

What?!?!? I did reply, "Why would infertile people not to admit to using fertility treatments, like we are some kind of lepers?" So please, let's break that stereotype. 

I never thought I would say this, but I am thankful for our struggle because I have become stronger. I appreciated my pregnancies and children more than I think I would have had I not had this struggle. I am thankful for being able to help others through their infertility struggle. I am thankful for my husband, my rock. Most of all, thankful that God has gotten us through the pain of infertility, just like He promises to always be there for us.

If you made it to the end of this blog, you're amazing! Thank you for letting me share my story and hopefully raise a little more awareness about the disease of infertility and contact me anytime if you need support in this area!

http://tinyurl.com/kstt7ys